Zen-N-Tonic

My quest for health and happiness began a little over 3 years ago. I had been miserable for so long it had become normal for me; I had accepted depression as something I ‘had’ that required daily medication, I was numb and stagnant. My daily life consisted only of accomplishing the necessary tasks for parenting and household maintenance and I didn’t know how to answer questions like “What brings you joy?” or “What do you want out of life?”. I had steadily gained weight for 5 years and was at my all-time heaviest weight and definitely the unhealthiest I’ve ever been. I knew that I needed change and had begun reading blogs and articles on self-improvement, looking for some magical solution. In a way I found it, but not quite the way I expected, and it certainly was not instant.

                In an effort to form a new habit and kickstart a diet I signed up for a 14 day no sugar challenge that sent email suggestions for meal plans and had an online forum to talk to others participating. I very quickly found that I was enjoying taking control of what I was putting into my body and I felt amazing within just a few days. The biggest permanent habit to come out of this was switching to drinking almost exclusively water, with very little exception, aside from black coffee in the mornings or occasional tea in the evenings. This is something I have continued, for the most part, to this day. The other result, and how this kickstarted my whole journey, was that I instantly wondered what else I could cut out or control to feel even better. And so, off I went, down a rabbit hole of health and wellness knowledge in search of this euphoria I experienced from the first positive change. In hindsight, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, although at times I was not sure of that at all.

                Over the following months and years, I embraced veganism, whole foods and clean eating, minimalism, exercise of various types, radical self-love and acceptance, and many other paths. Some of them were short lived, not all were successful, but without exception I took away something positive from each new step. A short time after starting my journey I began to feel the fog of depression lift a bit and came to the realization that my depression was truly situational. I chose to stop medicating and eventually learned that sitting with those feelings and understanding what was causing them was essential to getting better. In reality my physical health was the least of my issues, it was a symptom of how horribly off track I had allowed my entire life to get, and yet it was an easy place to start.

I was in an abusive relationship, surrounded by toxic people and life in general was barely tolerable. To attempt to tackle the bigger issues first would surely have led to failure or catastrophe of some sort. It was no doubt a long and arduous path to happiness, but for me it all unfolded the way it should, and when it needed to. All the steps of my journey, the self-discovery, the realizations about who I am & why, how I made it to the other side of the darkness I was in without losing my mind, these are the building blocks for this blog.

                I am going to take you all with me, step by step, through the last few years (and quite a bit of my past as well) and then continue to share my ongoing quest to be the best me and live my best life. Just a bit of a spoiler/teaser to get you started; I am happier and healthier at almost 40 than I have ever been and recently took a huge leap of faith to literally start a new life, in a new place. There will be a lot of darkness and pain recounted in some of my entrees and I will always give warnings for those who need to be cautious of triggers, but if you can I encourage you to read and absorb those messages as they contain some of the most powerful discoveries and life changing moments.

                I hope that every reader can take something away from my journey, my truth. I am not a professional and nothing contained in this blog is intended as medical advice, you should always do your own research and make your own informed choices. I am only sharing my story in the hopes that it can help even one person find their own way into the light. Never forget that every day is an opportunity to start fresh and make different choices. Happy travels, let the adventure begin!